I have been so enthralled with idea of happiness for quite some time. I had this conversation with my wife the other day. We asking ourselves our favorite question:
Are we happy”?
Building on last week’s post, we don’t talk about the fun we just had, or are going to have in answering this question I think fun and happiness are two different things, but I’m certainly not bashing fun. Fun is fun! But it’s not happiness.
We discuss what happiness is, what is it to us, are we there or on the path to getting there. It’s a great question to ask yourself, and really be honest about. What makes happiness happy is how it is can be so contrasted with pain, unhappiness, suffering. We’ve had that as well. In future posts I’ll talk about that, and how it has framed what we consider happy and how we can get there.
We’ve created a framework by which to evaluate it. This is by no means a finished work, it’s just a very fluid mental structure to quickly determine areas that are lacking or seem to be progressing. But, after thinking about it a lot, here are five areas and one action that we are focusing on. Here it is:
People, Place, Purpose, Productivity and Prayer with Thankfulness
Each one of these is another conversation. For this post, let’s just discuss the framework.
People: meaning, our community. What even is that? What is a community? Does it have to be people who are like-minded? Loving? Committed to each other? Or just passing friends that you have shallow conversations with that we call our “community” in order to feel better about it. My personal current take is it is better to have one true honest friend who will stand by you no matter what versus 20,000 followers on Medium that really have no idea who you are and probably don’t care that much. Whereas I generally like the idea of 20,000 followers, I know in my heart that it would not bring me happiness like one true friend would.
I see this online a lot. People talk about their “community”, “their people”, etc. Whereas I don’t deny that these types of relationships can be very helpful, they pale in the face of a true relationship that is physically present. There is something about being around others that you can trust, whom you love, whom you can be yourself truly that is unmatched in any online forum. But, if online is the only thing someone has, then that is better than nothing.
I also feel like the amount of true friends you can have is usually less than 10, plus 5 or less mainly because of the time and energy that goes into having a real friend or a few friends.
No matter what though, true friends in your life is crucial to long-term happiness.
Place: meaning, what are our roots? Knowing where you are from is so important. Why I think it is important is because we (my wife and I) struggle with this. We acknowledge we are Americans. We acknowledge we grew up in a “place”. Usually, this is what people point to when you ask them where they are from. However, I don’t know if I’m meaning this. When I say “Place” I mean - where are you rooted now? Are you rooted (that’s an even better question). Many younger folks probably wouldn’t resonate with being from a “place” as much as an older person. Once you been to many places, and seen how others, especially in other countries so resonate with “place”, that you begin to ask yourself “where am I from”? Who am I?
Purpose: meaning, what are we here for? What am I here for, really…in a very personal way. And, how big does this something, this “purpose” have to be in order to qualify? Is it something that I have to be passionate about, that I care about, that I will do whether I’m paid or not? Or should it be something others point to as worthy, legendary, legacy-building? Should it be something outside myself, for others? Or can it be just for me?
That sounds bad, doesn’t it. That your purpose could be just for you. But what if pulling yourself out of a death spiral that was brought on by a bad childhood, or traumatic events, or horrible bullying during school years. What if by doing that you are an inspiration to others to do the same. I would say that is a purpose in life, a worthy one!
Productivity: meaning, what am I doing with my time? We only have so much time. We talk about this a lot. I know SO MANY people that have retired, and really, they have stopped doing most things. They don’t have a purpose per se, they do things they want to do, albeit without the rush of the daily grind. Usually the kids (if there is kids) have grown up and left the house, the job has melted away, so what is there. Personally, I feel like being productive is key to longevity. Doing something with our time that gives back is VERY helpful to one’s happiness.
Prayer: meaning, what is spiritually significant in our lives. This part I think is very important. I’m not advocating religion, yoga, breathing exercises, whatever. I am advocating recognizing that we need something more than just feeding and taking care of our physical body and working to control our emotions. We need to nourish our spirit being, somehow, someway. How I do it is a connection to God. It helps me to believe in a higher power.
Finally - Thankfulness: meaning, being grateful for everything. Even the bad. When I’m thankful, I’m on the way to a sustained happiness.
This framework has been so helpful to us to work on our happiness. In future posts I’ll delve deeper into each one.
As usual, thanks for reading!