This Approach to Personal Growth May Surprise You

Forget the 4am cold showers. Do this instead.

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

I took my life in my hands daily in the late 1990’s.

Meaning, I used to drive to work without a phone.

I will pause briefly while you either laugh (you are older and can relate) or you stop whatever you are doing with an incredulous stare (you are young and cannot relate at all in any way whatsoever).

I know I know. CRAZY. But seriously, there actually was a time when everyone did not have a phone with them 24/7. No phone meant that you answered a phone in your house, or at your desk at work, or you called on a pay phone. Otherwise - you were unreachable. You did things without a phone in your hand or in your back pocket.

IT WAS AMAZING.

But, limiting in a way.

I remember one day, driving to work in an ice storm, that I went down a hill too fast and went right into the ditch. Brakes didn’t work at all, turning the wheel frantically didn’t work (made it worse actually). Luckily, no damage to the vehicle and no damage to myself. BUT - I was stranded out in the countryside in very cold weather in an ice storm.

NO PHONE!

However, I started walking and many, very nice people stopped and offered to help. It is amazing how many nice people are out there. Way more than you would think. I got help, got through it and everything turned out ok.

But in today’s world? That scenario would have been unacceptable. You need a phone!

NEED!!

But, having a phone is access to a host of other things that vie for our attention. The addiction factor to our phones, and what is on them, is real.

We need less of it, right?

I would argue that a phone, or a tablet, or a computer, or a book (but a phone is a good example) can be bad or good, depending on how it is used.

How say you?

Read on

The World Is On Fire! I Mean, The World is on the Internet. What I Really Mean is the World is on Social Media.

Admit it! You are overwhelmed!

As of January 1, 2024, there are approximately 8 billion people in the world.

As of October 2023, there were 4.95 BILLION people using social media with the AVERAGE user accessing 6.7 social media platforms on a monthly basis.

That’s over half, around 62% when you round the numbers.

So many people are talking, so many people are sharing their insights, opinions, demands for change, their perspective on skewed AI deep fakes designed to get you to stay on platforms and see ads, enriching the 1% with even more billions to their bank accounts.

What to do!

And, it all on your phone! or your tablet! or your laptop, or desktop. We can’t get away from it!

The question is: should we? Should we retreat into a cave in the mountains, or head straight into what we are faced with, examining everything that comes at us and keeping that which is good?

Should we listen to more or less voices?

MORE IS BETTER. LESS IS WORSE

When you listen and read one thinker, you become a clone

Two thinkers, you become confused

Ten thinkers, you’ll begin developing your own voice

Two or three hundred thinkers, you become wise and develop your voice

~ Timothy J Keller

Normally, we like to group together with like-minded people. This is how our communities develop, are formed, coalesce. It is hard to be around people who don’t think like you do, who challenge your thinking, who do and think differently.

Yet, paradoxically, how one grows character, personality, perspective and wisdom is through the conscious exposure to thinking that is different than yours. This can be difficult. It is hard to listen to or read about someone who thinks completely differently than you do.

I’m not advocating agreement for the sake of peace. I’m advocating an ability to hold in tension an opposing view long enough to see if there is a piece of it that I should allow into my thinking world, into my views, into my perspective on life and the world. I can tell you from experience: it is how you grow. It is how you mature and develop. It is how you can let go of the past in a way that gives you experience to face the future.

It doesn’t mean you have to agree. It means you have to “hold” it.

YOUNG EARTH OR OLD EARTH?

Let me elaborate with a story.

When I was going though my Master of Theology thesis at the South African Theological Seminary, my advisor was a very learned South African who was a credentialed PhD with a lot of experience advising students such as myself and who had many peer-reviewed articles to his CV. His advice and helpful suggestions were invaluable to me.

However, I had a very important interaction with him that taught more about personal growth than any of my work on my thesis. As a part of my paper, I was evaluating the book of Genesis in the Bible concerning the six days of creation. Namely, did God, per Genesis, create the world in six actual days or did those “days” represent periods of time, which, in the earth’s case, many billions of years of time.

As I was working through my arguments, evaluating both sides, I was unaware of how the days of creation had been a “hot” topic for quite a while, with strong proponents for the “Young Earth” and “Old Earth” perspective. In submitting my evaluation to my supervisor, he pretty much went crazy. He was a “Young Earth” advocate and absolutely would not hear of anything that even hinted at the valency of an “Old Earth” view. He as ADAMANT!

In fact, I could not progress in my thesis without taking out that long evaluation of an “Old Earth” view. I was so frustrated - because come ON! are you kidding me? We can’t talk about the earth being old? My supervisor told me I would have to use 30 pages of single-spaced narrative to even come close to making a case, which could not be made anyway. We needed to believe THE TRUTH, so stop spreading these lies.

Well, I thought to myself - I don’t need to take 30 pages to prove anything. I can do it in two words:

THE…. DINOSAURS!

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM supervisor guy??!!

How can we take the reality of dinosaur bones, not to mention other geological features of the earth as a legitimate view in regards to the earth being formed and created? We should be at least able to TALK about it, right?

Well, long story short, my supervisor’s supervisor reviewed my paper and demanded that I do an evaluation on the “Old Earth” theory, and my supervisor, quite unchastened, told me to put my evaluation back in.

WOW

But this story underscores exactly my point - and this experience told me a lot. It really educated me on how one can struggle holding in tension two opposing views without the initial (strong usually) need for resolution. My supervisor certainly couldn’t do it in regards this specific topic. There was a “right way” and a “wrong way” to think. The conclusion I came to, after much thought, whether the earth was old or young didn’t really matter, what mattered was:

Did God create?

If so, then we can progress down a certain line of thinking. If not, then we needed to progress down another line of thinking. I would not have come to that conclusion without holding two opposing views for an extended period of time.

The point of this is not to convince you that God created - it’s to show you the process I have learned in how to not race to a conclusion when faced with an opposing view.

I may disagree with you, but tell me what you think and let me hold it. I may learn something new, or it may broaden my perspective in new ways, or it may help me understand you and together we both can progress. To do it successfully, you have to train yourself not to react when someone counters your personal view, ideology, presupposition, core characteristic about whatever.

Just because you are right doesn’t make me wrong. This is a learned skill that must be consciously developed.

NOTABLE QUOTES

The book of Proverbs in the Tanakh focuses mainly on wisdom and the acquisition of it. A worthy quote towards a multitude of voices is:

For want of counsel purposes are frustrated; But in the multitude of counsellors they are established.

In the Christian Scriptures Jesus tells his disciples:

I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them at the present time

Aristotle was very insightful by saying:

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it"

What does this mean? To me - there is wisdom in many voices, the skill is to hold them, think about them, apply them at appropriate times, and evaluate outcomes that lead to further refinement.

We are all on the journey together.

THE THOUGHT TO THINK

The difficulty that lies in listening to many voices is the inherent desire for “the right answer” that brings comfort and a sense of security. I’ve watched this quite a bit in talking to various people who are part of faith traditions with solid boundary lines and belief systems. They stick adamantly to what they know and believe, and to challenge those belief systems is to invite severe reactions.

It’s hard to let go of what you believe. And I’m not necessarily recommending it as much as I’m advocating a growth pattern that allows for disparate thoughts towards established lines of belief. Once trained to live in tension with no “right” answer, it can be very liberating, thought-provoking, and character-building

If you are Christian, I would advise you to study Judaism with an open mind. If you are Jewish, I would advise you to study Christianity with an open mind. If you are Muslim, try out Judaism but without the prejudice. If you are Atheist, pick a religion and be an expert.

For all of the above, try very hard to be objective. It comes with practice over time.

But well worth the effort!